Gluten-Free Blueberry Cake

On Saturday {20th April} was my niece's 7th birthday and since I love to bake I tried out two cake recipes I haven't tried before. The first was Orange and chocolate chip pound cake, which is supposed to be a sort of 'Jaffa' cake and it was, it tasted great. But, the second one was Gluten-free blueberry cake, and although it broke and stuck in the tin {I may have been impatient with that step} It tasted sooooooo good! So beautiful and moist, I'm making it again this week! YUM oh, and I'd better title it as a Gluten-free lemon and blueberry cake, and I didn't make the syrup, will try this with the second one!

So here it is;

250g unsalted butter, diced and softened at room temperature
250g caster sugar
finely grated zest of 1 large lemon
pinch of salt
3 large free-range eggs, lightly beaten
250g ground almonds
125g polenta {fine cornmeal}
1 teaspoon baking powder
juice of 1/2 large lemon
150g blueberries, fresh of frozen
Cream, mascarpone or plain yogurt to serve

1.Preheat the oven to 170 degrees. Grease a 23cm round cake tin and line the base with baking paper.

2.Place the butter, sugar, lemon zest and salt in an electric mixer and  mix on medium speed for 7-8 minutes or until pale and fluffy. Transfer the beaten egg to a jug. reduce the speed of the mixer and, with the motor running, add the egg to the mixture until combined. sprinkle over the almonds, polenta and baking powder and carefully fold in with a large metal spoon. Add the lemon juice and mix gently to combine.

3.Spoon the batter into the tin, then sprinkle over the blueberries and press down lightly. Bake for 60-70 minutes or until skewer inserted in the center comes out almost clean, with a few crumbs sticking on it.

4. Just before the cake is ready, make the syrup. Combine all the ingredients in a small saucepan and bring to the boil, stirring to dissolve the sugar. Reduce the heat and simmer without stirring for about 4 minutes.

5.Remove the cake from oven and drizzle about two-thirds of the hot syrup over the warm cake {save the rest for serving} Let the cake cool in the tin. Delicious served with cream, mascarpone or plain yogurt, drizzle with the remaining syrup. The cake will keep in an airtight container for up to 5 days.

One week down, another to go...

One week of school holidays nearly done and dusted and I must say we have had a ball! Turns out we have done something every day and it has just flown by.

Monday as you know we spent in our pj's, but in the evening we went to my mums for FHE/dinner/birthday cake with my family.

Tuesday, my B-day, I was dragged out of bed by the kids under strict instructions to shut my eyes as they lead me to the dining room table were they had drawn a big sign saying "HAPPY B-DAY MUMMY" and the husband had whipped up some french toast with ice cream on top! I worked while the kids played at Nana's house, I got a few surprise presents from my boss, my mum and my sister but a favorite would have to be my husband. {at my request} He gave me his one, and only, much beloved game Call of Duty: Black oops. FYI I married a gamer, but he only plays this one game, so it was kind of a big deal. Then we spent the evening watching my choice of movie 'The ugly truth'

Wednesday I implored the services of my sister to help me take my three kids to the doctors, a trip I highly dread now taking all three it is a total nightmare. The kids got the OK, Carter got three needles, and the entire visit went so much smoother with the extra help from my sister to keep the kids under control {Thank you Sariah ;)} After the doctors we took the kids swimming and had great fun!

Thursday my mum and sister joined me and the kids to the movies to see 'Escape from planet earth' then we spent the rest of the day at home :)

Today we headed to Bunnings with a little project to buy some herbs to grow on our balcony. The kids love pushing around the kid-size trolleys there, and they played on the play ground too! Then we went swimming again! I love seeing the kids have fun, playing in the water. Teaching Taylah-benet how to swim down and touch the bottom of the pool so she can fetch coins. They were so tired afterwards, we came home and just chilled until daddy got home.

Kids say the darndest things

Today I sent Taylah-benet to her bed for hitting Mathias in the face {this happens on the daily} but this time, as she walked off into her room and I could hear her stomping all the way, I heard her say "Why do I have to be in this Family!? I hate this family!"

I had to giggle a little at her dramatics, but my heart dropped a little too from hearing her statement even though I knew she didn't really mean it. I quickly followed her onto her top bunk and she thought she was in trouble. Instead I quietly said "Do you really hate this family?" to which she slowly shook her head which was half hiding behind a pillow. "Do you really want to be in a different family?" she shook her head again. Then I firmly said "I don't want to ever hear you talk like that again!"

April school holidays 2013

School holidays is here again and it only feels like a few weeks ago they were going back to school. That went by crazy fast but as I reflect back on the progress Taylah-benet has made over the 11 week term I am reminded how fast she is growing up, how fast she is learning, and how short my time with her is.

It seems among parents you either hate school holidays or love them. Or there is bitter sweets, pros and cons. Not having to get all your kids and yourself decent looking before 8.30am so you can drop the kids to school. Sleep ins {these don't exists in my house but I've heard they are possible} then there is the age old task of keeping the kids entertained! Scheduling park visits, pool visits, movies, cousin play dates, friends play dates, quite {or not so quite} days at home.

I've learnt to even theses days out. Alternating a day at home with a activity planned the next day that usually will require us to get out of our pj's and out of our apartment.

Today {Monday 15th} we are starting off with a pj's day, as Tuesday I work and the kids will go to nanas so I totally call that as an activity day.

Tomorrow is also my birthday. Tomorrow marks my 28 year on this earth.

Kerry's birthday is two weeks after mine. I love celebrating, I love to make him feel special on his birthday but he always says to me every year without fail, "it's just another day"

This year I feel like I understand that a little more. I don't need a fuss, I do love to feel special but the truth is he and kids make me feel special. Blessed even. So wether we are out for a special dinner, or sitting at home watching my pick of the movie, it's just another day I can be thankful for my beautiful family.

A Dream

Too often I find myself dreaming. Dreaming about one day, very soon, owning a real house. It feels so far away.

I am always mindful to be grateful for the home we have. It's not the greatest, but it provides a roof over our heads.

When we bought our unit, it was never the plan to buy. After we were married and Taylah-benet was born we were living with family and we just wanted our own place. At that time the rental market was tough for us newbie renters to crack, and we didn't crack it either. So, out of curiosity, I had looked at places to buy, phoned up a bank just to ask if it was even a possibility on our low income and a few days later we were putting a holding deposit on our unit. It all happened very quickly, we rushed into it. I can't say I regret it, because I don't. It has been a learning experience, it all is.

5 and a half years on and two more kids, we're still here. Snug as a bug in our little two bed room apartment.

But, one day, we'll get there. One day, our time in our small place will be a distant and fond memory.

One day...

What is good Music?

Before we left Sydney for the long weekend, knowing the 4 hour drive we had ahead of us I went and brought a couple of Cd's for the car {to keep Kerry awake!}

1. Justin Timberlake's new album
2. The Carpenters Greatest Hits.

Talk about being on opposite ends of the scale right! I love Justin Timberlake's new album, I think he is a great singer as well as a great artist. Then there are the singers I grew up listening to like The Carpenters, The Judds, Tracy Chapman, Mariah Carey, Michael Jackson, Blackstreet and Babyface. I still love all of their music and it is amazing to see how music has evolved since these people were big.

Today it seems you either have to be good looking or are ultra quirky to be in the music industry and not necessarily a good singer. There are allot of performers, who know how to sell themselves. Allot of the music I hear on the radio is just not the same as it used to be. It doesn't seem to have the same quality. The same beauty. The same depth of these truly beautiful and talented singers. Mariah Carey is still in it and look how much her music changed.

All this got me thinking, I want my children to know good music. I want them to appreciate good music and different music. I want to teach them that. I want them to know who the influential artist who practically created the genres.

I'm grateful for my appreciation for all music {well, most! who gets techno!?} I enjoy listening to good quality music. Singers that make you feel something. Singers that you know would still sound amazing with nothing but their voice.

Easter 2013

Easter 2013 fell in March which felt totally weird, but anyway. We spent the long weekend in Cowra with our Sullivan family, Gray family, Nana, Mum and the Greening kids {Camilla and Hugh are living it up at the moment in the USA! Lucky them!} In total all together there were 8 adults and 17 kids, the oldest kids being 16 so she's on that fence to passing as an adult.

We drove late Thursday night taking advantage of the night time with all three children sleeping the whole way, and no traffic. By lunch time Friday everyone else had arrived so Nana got the men, the older boys and the little kids that wanted to join in, to pull some big bushes and weeds out of the front garden.

After they recovered from the gardening we picked up $100 worth of fish and chips and headed up to the lookout in the center of the town. {Best. Fish&Chips. EVER!!!} The kids had so much fun playing together.

Saturday it was a dash to get everyone up, dressed and fed, and to the local Easter egg hunt at the Japanese gardens. After all the kids got their eggs from the hunt we were able to walk through the beautiful garden.

That afternoon we took all the kids to the local pools just up the road. Then had a BBQ dinner and for desert I made a carrot cake and a berry cheesecake and Caroline made a hazelnut gateau with cream and bananas instead of the usual strawberries! and we sung Happy Birthday for all the April birthdays in our family {there's 6 including Kerry and I}

After the kids were all in bed we put up the display of Easter eggs from the Easter bunny.

The Humpty eggs on top are from EB, the ones down the bottom from Nana Stevie, and Nana/Auntie Jenni made the stuffed bunnies. Easter 2013

Sunday morning the kids all woke before the adults and crammed into Nana/Auntie Jenni's bed which was a mattress in the lounge room right next to the display, until they were allowed to get their Easter eggs.

Ready for Church in Cowra, Easter Sunday 2013

Sunday evening had our big Easter egg hunt for the kids followed by a beautiful roast dinner and a lesson from uncle Derek on the meaning of Easter.

Monday, Kerry and uncle Derek planted a whole bunch of fruit trees in their back yard which took all the day, we were the last to leave after having left overs for dinner {there was so much food! it was delicious!}

We drove through the night again and made it home safe and sound without hitting any Kangaroos! phew!

Thank You Sullivan family for having us.

Best. Easter. EVER! Xx

Something I want to remember

Last week when I wrote about my experience with depression, I shared it on my Facebook page and  received an overwhelming response. Some people have never felt this way before so it was an appreciated insight. Others knew all too well what it feels like, and were brave enough to share their battle. My brother in law has bipolar disorder, and shared with me what he is going through, something I want to remember, something I didn't want to get lost in the array of Facebook posts so I've copied it here.

Hi Ardeth! 

I appreciate you sharing this, because I know from first hand experience in the past and right now, what it feels like. I want to share with you (and im sure others) something which accurately describes how I feel most days and what depression is to me...

“Depression is humiliating. It turns intelligent, kind people into zombies who can’t wash a dish or change their socks. It affects the ability to think clearly, to feel anything, to ascribe value to your children, your lifelong passions, your relative good fortune. It scoops out your normal healthy ability to cope with bad days and bad news, and replaces it with an unrecognizable sludge that finds no pleasure, no delight, no point in anything outside of bed. You alienate your friends because you can’t comport yourself socially, you risk your job because you can’t concentrate, you live in moderate squalor because you have no energy to stand up, let alone take out the garbage. You become pathetic and you know it. And you have no capacity to stop the downward plunge. You have no perspective, no emotional reserves, no faith that it will get better. So you feel guilty and ashamed of your inability to deal with life like a regular human, which exacerbates the depression and the isolation. If you've never been depressed, thank your lucky stars and back off the folks who take a pill so they can make eye contact with the store cashier. No one on earth would choose the nightmare of depression over an averagely turbulent normal life. It’s not an incapacity to cope with day to day living in the modern world. It’s an incapacity to function. No one deserves it. It ruins families. You cannot imagine what it takes to feign normalcy, to show up to work, to make a dentist appointment, to pay bills, to return library books on time, to keep enough toilet paper on hand, when you are exerting most of your capacity on trying not to kill yourself.

Depression is real. 

Compassion is also real. And a depressed person may cling desperately to it until they are out of the woods and they may remember your compassion for the rest of their lives as a force greater than their depression.

The biggest standouts and things that affect my day-to-day are...

1. You become pathetic and you know it.
2. You have no perspective, no emotional reserves, no faith that it will get better.

More recently I have been living with this mentality every day, for the last few months and as much as I'd love to change it, I just cant figure out how...

The one saving grace I have is the medication I have... but though It helps with some aspects, It does not change other things about how I'm feeling, and also creates/amplifies other aspects like;

1. The inability to feel sympathy and compassion towards others,
2. delusions of grandeur; that i'm invincible, I'm intelligent, I can do anything and be anything I want to.

Though the 2nd may not sound like a problem, it creates an unrealistic view of the world around me, and rather than thinking I can conquer everything, I start things that I never finish... which rotates in a circle back to my original feeling of no.1. You become pathetic and you know it. One of the hardest things for me to hear on a day to day was people saying how intelligent and smart I am, how I am going to be someone and do something with my life... all the while I couldnt accomplish the most simple things, this almost felt like it was the world way of giving me proof that I am delusional. I still feel like the biggest failure on this earth because my life has amounted to absolutely nothing.

At present I am dealing with the worst feelings I have ever felt, and the worst time of my life. I have thought about killing myself... and do so on a regular basis... and up until right now I have never told anyone that I have have tried to kill myself... I went to that place, its was a scary time.

Right now I am exhausted, and depleted of energy. Every day I think I've hit rock bottom, and something else bad happens... which add to the huge complication of things ruining my life already... but the worst part is this....

Most days I don't feel like visiting my kids... or talking to my wife.... or leaving my room.... for fear of the physical pain I feel when I have an anxiety attack, this slow, strong gradual crushing feeling in my heart, like someone is literally inside my chest, squeezing it until it pops.

I know other people are going to read this, which is fine, I know people know that I might be going through something, but not the extent.... this is it.

So like you, I may understand some of the feelings that you are going through and wish you the best... I would not wish depression in any form upon my worst enemy and I hope you can work through it. You have an awesome husband and a great family.

Feel free to message anytime, I have trouble vocalising what I want to say in person or over the phone because of anxiety attacks, so writing it is the best idea.
 I know this may surprise or scare a few people, but please don't be worried... some days are good, some days are bad.... some days are really really good... because I was diagnosed bi-polar, it goes up and down.... how I feel for the day either depends on how I feel when I wake up, or until something triggers it in me.

Love, Adam.