Friday 16th June 2017

It's Micah's 1st Birthday today. He's sick, I'm sick. So it's a pretty uneventful birthday but I'm very aware of the fact that he won't remember a thing so we had never really planned to make a big feast of it today. We will have a birthday cake and sing happy birthday, and I'll video it so he can look back on it.

I hate being sick!!!

Micah

Micah will be turning 1 this month and it is crazy insane how fast his first year of life earthside has gone!! I am ecstatic to still be breastfeeding him and I absolutely love every second of it (even the 2..3...4 sometimes more times a night) there is something purely intimate about breastfeeding my bub, the skin on skin attachment, the physical and emotional bond.

Kez and I started a diet today, an effort to kick start a healthier way of eating for our family. It can be so hard because it takes a lot of time and research to put the healthiest meals together, not to mention having to do it for 6 of us...three + meals a day.

All I ate today was vegetable soup, but even that couldn't be sugar free. the chicken stock has it and even the canned tomatoes in tomato juice!

I was planning to go to the gym tonight, but my body is adjusting...or gone into shock because of the significantly huge lack of sugar I've fed it today. so I'm just going to go sleep! FYI: I love sleep!

Young Women's President

Last year at the end of October I was released from my calling in Primary and called to be the Young Women's President. I was petrified. Now I've been in this calling for over 6 months and although it keeps me super busy (and a little stressed) I am enjoying it. It is a new challenge for me, and new opportunity to learn and grow, and boy do I feel like I'm learning.

It is hard to juggle everything and find a balance. I love studying and preparing to teach a Sunday lesson, I learn so much from this study and only get to share less than 10% of what I study with the young women.

I have 7 active young women and 3 less active, and I love them all so much. Coming from primary it is a huge contrast, young kid would literally give their left arm to answer ALL the questions. Youth, unless the topic is on who wore what or who said what at school, it's tough to get a boo out of them...some days. Occasionally they can surprise and be super at participating in the lessons and give great contributions to discussions. Today was not one of those days! it was the opposite. My one (great) councilor is sick and was scheduled to teach the lesson but wasn't well enough to come to church so with less then 24 hours I had to prepare to teach a lesson on 'What is the Priesthood?'

Get to church and my poor bub is so tired, I go to get his pram out and realize it's still at home. So I go home to get it and he falls asleep on the way, I get it anyway, head back to church, but decide to sit in the car and let him sleep a bit. turned out he was way tired and slept 2 hours. I needed to get into YW to teach, hubby is still teaching youth Sunday school and the 5 year old is trotting around the place at free will!

So husband came out from teaching, I gave him the down low that he needed to stay with baby. I go into YW and next thing I know husband in opening the door with bub in hand! and 5 year old hanging off him. So my two little boys are coming in and out while I'm trying to teach a lesson I feel unprepared for to a room full of YW who look like they would rather be at home in bed than sitting with me in a class room at church!

Not to mention having to have our monthly class presidency meeting after church.

I shouldn't complain. It really not bad, just very, very...very full on.

Friday 2 June 2017

I went back to my Doctor on Wednesday. I haven't been in forever! and was way over due. I felt I needed to see her because back in December over the Christmas season I stopped taking my medication purely because I would keep forgetting to take it, especially being on holiday. so when I got back home and still in holiday mode (school holidays at least) I still kept forgetting to taking it...fast forward to June!! and I'm still not taking it and have lost all my scripts. anyway, there have been occasions where I've had thoughts or feelings that lead me in that direction, and it scares me, the thought of 'relapsing' generally I feel fine.

So the visit went good, and I'm going to continue not taking it, but she gave me a prescription just in case I feel I need to start back on it again.

This week has been crazy! but not, at the same time. I know that doesn't even make sense. So much thinking in my head and I let it all boil up. I so grateful that I have Kerry to talk to, and we've been through enough for me to be able to easily talk to him and tell him how I truly feel and what I'm thinking. how did I get so lucky!? I love him so much.

I sold our TV this week. I hate too much TV and I've had way too much lately. I love not having it. I feel like it clears the air for me, I just love it.

I am looking forward to a hopefully boring weekend filled with a lot of doing nothing but chilling ( and cleaning/organizing) at home.

Wednesday 31 May 2017

Tonight as I was putting Taylah to bed she started to tell me about how today in school a girl was telling the whole class who Taylah likes. At first (in my head) i was all like "oh...you like someonè, how cute"   but that didn't last long. She said it made her cry in class 😭😭😭

So i made myself comfortable and set in for a D&M with my girl. She told me she doesn't like telling a teacher because then the kids pick on her more. They call her weird and different and tell her she's not good at drawing.

I am so scared of kids being mean to mine at school. What can I say? How can I help her?

I want her to have confidence in herself so much so that these mean words don't hurt. But she hasn't learnt that yet.

She is weird and different, and I love it. I think she is so unique and the 'normal' kids is just boring.

She is kind. She is quirky. She oozes creativity and a love of culture and colour. She loves Karate, and old movies. She loves piano and acting a clown to cheer people up.

I hope she always feels ok to talk to me and I hope I always make myself available for her to talk to me. She said it makes her cry to talk about it, but I told her that it's not good to keep all that hurt inside.

As a mother, this world scares me. Everything that is bad or evil is or is going to at some point, attacking my family. Trying to tear their worth down. So i need to be on top of my game. Teach her of her infinite worth and her divine nature. Teach her to embrace her quirks and differences becuase they will allow her to view the world and do things in this world that noone else could do.

I don't know why so many kids think it's ok, even cool, to be unkind and mean.

I'm so happy she talked to me.

Writing it down

I've been thinking for some time now about starting my blog again, these days I struggle to find anytime at all to write in my journal so blogging is a convenient and quick way to continue to record my thoughts and feelings. But, being a public platform has it's consequences and affects the way in which I write, but I'm hoping to change that. I really don't think there's that many people who would read my blog let alone really care what I'm thinking and feeling. So, I'm going to give it a go.

It's been roughly 2 years since i dropped off the blogging world so these been a few changes taken place. We're happily setteled in Cowra for the time being. We welcomed another gorgeous boy to our family (cannot believe he's about to turn 1!!) Taylah is in year 5 and in her second year of doing Karate and just this year she started piano lessons! Yes, my husband brought me a piano which I absolutely love and I'm so excited that T is learning now and doing so well at it too.

Mathias does two dance classes, he loves dancing. He is also playing basketball which he seems to have a natural talent for. He is in year 3 and just got baptised in March.

Carter turned 5 in February, but I kept him home this year instead of sending him to school. I struggled making the decision but feel so glad that I did keep him home, it was a combination of him not being quite ready for it and myself so not ready to let him go...I'm already dreading February 2018 having to let him go 😢

Micah is our gorgeous little one who is such a welcomed and long awaited bundle of joy. He totally threw us off with his white skin topped off with a hint of red in his hair, a Scottish throw-back thanks to kerrys Scottish great-grandparents. He has blue eyes to match his brothers, and a smile to die for.

Kerry is busy with work and two callings keeping him pleanty busy as 1st councillor on the branch presidency and the district young mens president.

I'm kept super busy with keeping house and running around after the 4 kids and two callings, 1st councillor on the district primary Presidency, which I pretty much do nothing, and young womens president in our branch which keeps me super busy.

To be honest, i wouldn't have it any other way. I'm learning to be greatful for the busy and be weary of the down time. I know I'm not progressing, leaning or growing if I'm not doing anything or avoiding doing anything. I love being a mum, don't get me wrong it is so super hard 99% of the time and it sucks. But that 1% is pure solid heaven. I may be exaggerating the percentages there, but after all the crappy down days, they are the greatest blessings my greatest joys my greatest love that I could have never imagined in my wildest dreams.