The last couple of weeks here is Sydney we've been experiencing some crazy, cool and dumb weather. Dumb, because I don't like the rain and what makes it even worse is that it's still humid, muggy and hot, and pouring down with rain! Crazy, because we have these random and short lived full blown storms. It gets super windy the sky goes dark and then the thunder and lightning kick in. Oddly they last no more than 30 minutes then the sun will usually come back out again!? And Cool, because I love listening to thunder and watching the lightning illuminate the pitch black sky. Hearing my kids scurry around with fear and excitement at the same time as they look to Kerry and I for reassurance that everything is OK, that they are safe with us.
Last night we had one of these spontaneous thunder storms just as we finished having family home evening. So I turned all the lights off and opened the blinds and for 20 minutes sat on our lounge room floor watching in wonder at what was going on outside.
I felt Grateful to be reminded of our Heavenly Fathers magnificence. Grateful to feel safety and protection within our home. Grateful to have the moment to enjoy my little family as we all huddled together, daddy being our anchor.
Mathias wriggled his body into the cracks between Kerry and I, spontaneously kissing his big sister on the forehead {which he NEVER does!} and announcing that "This is the best family EVER!"
and I must say, I couldn't have agreed more!
Sunday, March 30, 2014
My Granddad Eric Colin Steventon
It was one month before my 9th birthday when my granddad passed away. 16th March 1994 and this month marks 20 years since then.
I love him so much and cherish the memories that I have of him. He was a hard worker and a family man. My most favorite thing about him was that he loved us. He loved his grandchildren and always took the time to show us. He would play with us, be silly with us and make us laugh. I have never doubted that my granddad loved me even in the short years I got to spend with him.
I miss him and I think of him often. I think of him watching over us, watching as our family gathers together and enjoying each others company. Crying with us when we feel pain and rejoicing in our victories.
I wanted to find a husband like him and in many ways Kerry reminds me of him. They are just like big kids at heart. Not afraid to show love and getting down on all fours to play with kids.
I know that one day I will see him again.
I love you always granddad, you always made me feel loved and for that I am deeply grateful.
I love him so much and cherish the memories that I have of him. He was a hard worker and a family man. My most favorite thing about him was that he loved us. He loved his grandchildren and always took the time to show us. He would play with us, be silly with us and make us laugh. I have never doubted that my granddad loved me even in the short years I got to spend with him.
I miss him and I think of him often. I think of him watching over us, watching as our family gathers together and enjoying each others company. Crying with us when we feel pain and rejoicing in our victories.
I wanted to find a husband like him and in many ways Kerry reminds me of him. They are just like big kids at heart. Not afraid to show love and getting down on all fours to play with kids.
I know that one day I will see him again.
I love you always granddad, you always made me feel loved and for that I am deeply grateful.
 |
| Nana and Granddad Steventon |
Monday, March 24, 2014
Getting better
I mentioned I've been getting better a couple of posts back. This is due to some seriously awesome love, support and help.
I am still taking my anti depressants everyday {I'm impressed with myself that I haven't slacked off with that yet}
Kerry is my biggest support. I've told him so many times that he is my hero! and that's the best way I can describe everything he does for me. I feel incredibly blessed to have found a man who loves me unconditionally. He experiences the very worst of me and has seen me at my complete lowest, and he loves me still the same.
My 'blisters' ... Oh I mean sisters! each of them are unique and individual in their strengths and I admire them so much. When I compare myself with the three of them I often feel like the black sheep.
I Love my Mum so much, and my love for her grows as I make this journey. Everything she does is for her children and she knows and understands us better than we sometimes {probably always} give her credit for. She has been my biggest strength my entire life, even through my rebellious years when I thought I knew better, she has never left my side.
My BFF ... that's you Lian. In my life there are three people I have met and felt such a strong connection with that I have no doubt we knew each other before we came to this earth. You are one of them. My love and admiration for you grows as I see you face your challenges with such faith in Christ.
My Psychologist Deb. I feel pretty lucky I can say 'My Psychologist' but even more lucky that I have one as good as she is. From our very first consultation I felt confident in her ability to help me work through the tough stuff I've been avoiding for decades. After every session with her I am blown away and just so incredibly grateful and in awe. She is Awesome!
And of course my kids! They are teaching my some of life's most precious and important lessons and they bring me the greatest joy and happiness EVER.
I am still taking my anti depressants everyday {I'm impressed with myself that I haven't slacked off with that yet}
Kerry is my biggest support. I've told him so many times that he is my hero! and that's the best way I can describe everything he does for me. I feel incredibly blessed to have found a man who loves me unconditionally. He experiences the very worst of me and has seen me at my complete lowest, and he loves me still the same.
My 'blisters' ... Oh I mean sisters! each of them are unique and individual in their strengths and I admire them so much. When I compare myself with the three of them I often feel like the black sheep.
I Love my Mum so much, and my love for her grows as I make this journey. Everything she does is for her children and she knows and understands us better than we sometimes {probably always} give her credit for. She has been my biggest strength my entire life, even through my rebellious years when I thought I knew better, she has never left my side.
My BFF ... that's you Lian. In my life there are three people I have met and felt such a strong connection with that I have no doubt we knew each other before we came to this earth. You are one of them. My love and admiration for you grows as I see you face your challenges with such faith in Christ.
My Psychologist Deb. I feel pretty lucky I can say 'My Psychologist' but even more lucky that I have one as good as she is. From our very first consultation I felt confident in her ability to help me work through the tough stuff I've been avoiding for decades. After every session with her I am blown away and just so incredibly grateful and in awe. She is Awesome!
And of course my kids! They are teaching my some of life's most precious and important lessons and they bring me the greatest joy and happiness EVER.
Monday, March 17, 2014
On making discoveries
Last week I made some huge discoveries. Realizations about what kind of mother I am and the things I do. What kind of mother I want to be and the things I should try to do.
This all came about through Taylah-benet not being happy with her teacher at school. Mrs Olave is tough, confident and a strong personality. So when I saw her being tough on Taylah-benet, I was intimidated and I felt for her immediately when I saw my seven year old break down into tears.
Taylah-benet is so much like me. She is shy socially. She is gentle, kind, caring and very soft spoken. I see so much of my personality in her so when I see her hurt it affects me just the same as if were done to me.
So, I was upset and very very worried about her welfare at school. So I tossed and turned over what it is I should do. I knew I had to confront the teacher which scared the crap out of me, but I knew I had to do it for Taylah.
So I set up a time to sit down with Mrs Olave when Kerry could come too. Wednesday (12th March) I went to my appointment with my psychologist Deb. I told her all about what was happening with Taylah-benet. I had written a letter to Mrs Olave that contained my concerns and given it to her the day before to not put her on the spot at the time of our meeting and allow her time to gather her response which seemed only fair given I had already spent several days tossing and turning over them.
Deb was supportive and impressed with the steps I'd taken so far, offered some advice and could hardly wait to hear the outcome of the meeting with the teacher which was to take place later that day.
We proceeded with my session which always leaves me a little tender than usual then when school finished we made our way to sit down with Mrs Olave. I was extremely nervous. She had invited another teacher Mrs Armstrong along to the meeting for support.
We talked for about 40 Min's and that was it. When it was over I was kind of in a state of shock and confusion. My thoughts were along the lines of "Hold up, did she just change my mind!!? and did she just turn that all around to me!?"
I had made some pretty heavy realizations in that meeting that left me in a slight state of shock. I wasn't bullied into these realizations and they didn't direct anything at me at all. Everything they had to say made sense and I knew it would be good for both Taylah and I.
Basically, I realized that I do way too much for Taylah-benet. Things that she is able to do herself but out of love and habit I did them. Things like dressing her for school most every morning, washing her at bath time, packing her bag and keeping her room clean. I wasn't allowing her to have any responsibility for herself. I was part of this problem! enabling her lazy habits.
I realized that even though my husband has been telling me for years, I am too 'soft' on Taylah-benet. I always jump to her defense against anyone including Kerry, which results in me undermining Kerry and Taylah having less respect for him. I was fighting her battles even taking them away from her.
So after our meeting I knew I need to change my habits in order for Taylah to change hers. I knew that Mrs Olave cares very much about all of her students and she only wants them to succeed and perform at their best. I knew I want to support Mrs Olave and not undermine her by telling Taylah that 'it's OK, I'll fight your battles for you'. I knew I want to support my husband by allowing him to discipline Taylah without me swooping in to 'rescue' her. I knew that I want Taylah to learn these lessons and build up her resilience now rather than later when the world might not be so supportive and understanding.
Our home life since the minute we got home on Wednesday after that meeting has changed a little, and all for the better. I no longer dress Taylah and Mathias in the mornings, I don't even put their shoes on or do them up, now I know they can do it for themselves. I pack their lunch box and let them pack their school bag. I make sure they know that they are responsible for their home reader books and folders, homework books and library books so they need to keep them in their proper place.
When they come home from school first they're to take their shoes off and put them away, take their lunch box to the kitchen and hang their school bags in their room. Change out of their uniform and put it away for the next day.
Not rocket science stuff, but little stuff that are making a big difference to our home. It hasn't even been one week and I can see small differences in Taylah-benet, she rather likes being responsible for herself and her things and I speak to her often about not being afraid for her teacher, that her teacher cares about her and only wants what is best. Re affirming that when the teacher asks the class to do something, she needs to do it straight away, and when the teacher asks her a question she needs to answer and not be scared to ask for help if she needs too.
I also find I have a little more order in our home. Mornings are not as stressful and I'm not rushing around doing everything for all three of my kids and myself.
I'm still intimidated by Mrs Olave, but it is only because we are so different, neither one better than the other, just different.
And I only see that as a good thing :)
This all came about through Taylah-benet not being happy with her teacher at school. Mrs Olave is tough, confident and a strong personality. So when I saw her being tough on Taylah-benet, I was intimidated and I felt for her immediately when I saw my seven year old break down into tears.
Taylah-benet is so much like me. She is shy socially. She is gentle, kind, caring and very soft spoken. I see so much of my personality in her so when I see her hurt it affects me just the same as if were done to me.
So, I was upset and very very worried about her welfare at school. So I tossed and turned over what it is I should do. I knew I had to confront the teacher which scared the crap out of me, but I knew I had to do it for Taylah.
So I set up a time to sit down with Mrs Olave when Kerry could come too. Wednesday (12th March) I went to my appointment with my psychologist Deb. I told her all about what was happening with Taylah-benet. I had written a letter to Mrs Olave that contained my concerns and given it to her the day before to not put her on the spot at the time of our meeting and allow her time to gather her response which seemed only fair given I had already spent several days tossing and turning over them.
Deb was supportive and impressed with the steps I'd taken so far, offered some advice and could hardly wait to hear the outcome of the meeting with the teacher which was to take place later that day.
We proceeded with my session which always leaves me a little tender than usual then when school finished we made our way to sit down with Mrs Olave. I was extremely nervous. She had invited another teacher Mrs Armstrong along to the meeting for support.
We talked for about 40 Min's and that was it. When it was over I was kind of in a state of shock and confusion. My thoughts were along the lines of "Hold up, did she just change my mind!!? and did she just turn that all around to me!?"
I had made some pretty heavy realizations in that meeting that left me in a slight state of shock. I wasn't bullied into these realizations and they didn't direct anything at me at all. Everything they had to say made sense and I knew it would be good for both Taylah and I.
Basically, I realized that I do way too much for Taylah-benet. Things that she is able to do herself but out of love and habit I did them. Things like dressing her for school most every morning, washing her at bath time, packing her bag and keeping her room clean. I wasn't allowing her to have any responsibility for herself. I was part of this problem! enabling her lazy habits.
I realized that even though my husband has been telling me for years, I am too 'soft' on Taylah-benet. I always jump to her defense against anyone including Kerry, which results in me undermining Kerry and Taylah having less respect for him. I was fighting her battles even taking them away from her.
So after our meeting I knew I need to change my habits in order for Taylah to change hers. I knew that Mrs Olave cares very much about all of her students and she only wants them to succeed and perform at their best. I knew I want to support Mrs Olave and not undermine her by telling Taylah that 'it's OK, I'll fight your battles for you'. I knew I want to support my husband by allowing him to discipline Taylah without me swooping in to 'rescue' her. I knew that I want Taylah to learn these lessons and build up her resilience now rather than later when the world might not be so supportive and understanding.
Our home life since the minute we got home on Wednesday after that meeting has changed a little, and all for the better. I no longer dress Taylah and Mathias in the mornings, I don't even put their shoes on or do them up, now I know they can do it for themselves. I pack their lunch box and let them pack their school bag. I make sure they know that they are responsible for their home reader books and folders, homework books and library books so they need to keep them in their proper place.
When they come home from school first they're to take their shoes off and put them away, take their lunch box to the kitchen and hang their school bags in their room. Change out of their uniform and put it away for the next day.
Not rocket science stuff, but little stuff that are making a big difference to our home. It hasn't even been one week and I can see small differences in Taylah-benet, she rather likes being responsible for herself and her things and I speak to her often about not being afraid for her teacher, that her teacher cares about her and only wants what is best. Re affirming that when the teacher asks the class to do something, she needs to do it straight away, and when the teacher asks her a question she needs to answer and not be scared to ask for help if she needs too.
I also find I have a little more order in our home. Mornings are not as stressful and I'm not rushing around doing everything for all three of my kids and myself.
I'm still intimidated by Mrs Olave, but it is only because we are so different, neither one better than the other, just different.
And I only see that as a good thing :)
Wednesday, March 12, 2014
Tough love
When I was in labor with Taylah-benet I had two midwifes throughout the duration of my labor.
The first one was sweet. Very kind and sympathetic towards me and the pain I was in. She held me hand and gave me the gas to use even though it didn't feel like it was doing anything.
Then her shift ended and a new midwife came on board.
This lady was pushy! and I did not like her at all. She told me I was using the gas wrong and told me how to do it properly. She would do internals mid contractions and I swear I could have strangled her then and there. She delayed going to get me an epidural because she said it wouldn't be too much longer, like she knew right!? she kept telling me I needed to relax.
As much as I was hating on this midwife while I was in labor with Taylah-benet, after it was all over and I was back to my rational thinking again I realised I was better off with her. Instead of holding my hand saying it would all be over soon, she forced me to relax and stop fighting what was happening to my body. She helped me get through the pain telling me the best way I could.
I learnt a lot from that experience.
The first one was sweet. Very kind and sympathetic towards me and the pain I was in. She held me hand and gave me the gas to use even though it didn't feel like it was doing anything.
Then her shift ended and a new midwife came on board.
This lady was pushy! and I did not like her at all. She told me I was using the gas wrong and told me how to do it properly. She would do internals mid contractions and I swear I could have strangled her then and there. She delayed going to get me an epidural because she said it wouldn't be too much longer, like she knew right!? she kept telling me I needed to relax.
As much as I was hating on this midwife while I was in labor with Taylah-benet, after it was all over and I was back to my rational thinking again I realised I was better off with her. Instead of holding my hand saying it would all be over soon, she forced me to relax and stop fighting what was happening to my body. She helped me get through the pain telling me the best way I could.
I learnt a lot from that experience.
Monday, March 10, 2014
School Life
Excuse me for being away for a while, I have been getting better. I have found an amazing psychologist who is helping me work through some serious issues and she is just incredible. If you ever need to see a psychologist, I would highly recommend her so hit me up for her details.
Mathias is settled into school life rather well. He was struggling with the full long days for a little bit making him very tired, but he's much better now. he absolutely loves school, and it loves him too. I am always amazed at how different my oldest two kids are, Mathias is such a people person. The social scene comes extremely natural to him and he could make friends with a brick wall. Kids follow him, and I think this is an amazing talent he's been blessed with, he is a natural born leader.
Taylah-benet I fear will always struggle, at least all the way through primary school. Actually probable even high school. She struggles socially and in the class. She really does live in a world of her own a lot. She is such a sweet tender girl that will make her journey a bit more difficult. I want to teach her to nurture her sweet and tender side, it is a Christ like attribute that I cherish dearly in her. She is full of so much innocence I fear for her heart. I want to protect her from the harsh realities in this world that will try to tell her she shouldn't be this way.
Mathias is settled into school life rather well. He was struggling with the full long days for a little bit making him very tired, but he's much better now. he absolutely loves school, and it loves him too. I am always amazed at how different my oldest two kids are, Mathias is such a people person. The social scene comes extremely natural to him and he could make friends with a brick wall. Kids follow him, and I think this is an amazing talent he's been blessed with, he is a natural born leader.
Taylah-benet I fear will always struggle, at least all the way through primary school. Actually probable even high school. She struggles socially and in the class. She really does live in a world of her own a lot. She is such a sweet tender girl that will make her journey a bit more difficult. I want to teach her to nurture her sweet and tender side, it is a Christ like attribute that I cherish dearly in her. She is full of so much innocence I fear for her heart. I want to protect her from the harsh realities in this world that will try to tell her she shouldn't be this way.
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