Return to work

 I started back at work on Monday, a day was not looking forward to at all. It was a bit emotional for me leaving Oakley but it was just a short 3.5hr shift so it wasn't too bad. but as soon as I started working it felt like I had never left. It was gross. I had five months off work and it was such a good break from it. I got the centrelink parental leave pay which is the same payment that I got when Carter was born. It is such a good one and I'm so grateful for the time it allowed me to take off work and be home with Oakley, but now that is finished we still need my income to cover some of our expenses. 

The second and third shifts back at work were better. It's proving to be more of an adjustment for Kerry as he is left to 'hold down the fort' while I go to work. Tonight for example, I worked 6-11pm, Mathias had Ballet 6.30-7.30 and Taylah worked 7-10pm So Kerry had to drop me off at work then drop Mathias off to ballet then drop Taylah off at work then 7.15 pick up pizza from Dominos for dinner then pick Mathias up from ballet. Come home, feed the kids - feed Oakley a bottle somewhere in amongst all the running around - get the boys to bed while trying to look after the baby at the same time. By 9.30 Oakley's tired and ready to go to sleep. 10pm leave three boys asleep at home but take the baby with him to pick Taylah up from work. put the baby back to bed. get Taylah to bed but tell her to keep a listen out for Oakley while 11pm he picks me up from work. hahahaha he got a little taste of my job as Mum hahaha and a lot more appreciation for everything I do to. So funny, but that's life with our growing family. It's full on. and it's great!

This weekend Taylah and Mathias will be going to the temple to do youth baptisms on Saturday morning, the Sullivans are taking them and leaving me their new puppy to look after. Micah has his soccer game in the afternoon and then we'll be going to Cowra for the night because Mathias is performing in the eisteddfod there. He is in a Saturday evening session and two sessions on Sunday, then we'll come home.

Monday I'm taking Taylah to an appointment with a ENT to check her ears. Last year she had multiple ear infections that seemed to never clear up completely even after antibiotics. We got a hearing test and both ears were showing a deficit so we've been waiting to see an ENT to investigate it further. I worry about her hearing and the possibility of it worsening and I can't help but feel guilty like I didn't do enough, soon enough to possibly prevent such a deficit. But I know I'm totally doing that to myself and we will figure this out as we go.

Then next Wednesday Taylah flys out to New Zealand with Mum and Nana Stevie which is pretty exciting.

Being the parent

Gosh being a good parent is hard. Knowing what to do in any situation is hard. But time to reflect and think upon these difficult decisions helps me find a bit more clarity. Seeking advice from various sources also helps me gain possibly another perspective and again, a bit more clarity. If anything, being a mother presents me with an abundance of opportunities to decide what kind of person, what kind of mother I truly want to be. How can I be a better guide, teacher, mentor, example to my children. Being a parent is very much a refining process, not for the children, but for me. Isn’t that ironic.

I want to be kind. I want to let love and compassion guide my decisions. In my

Parenting dilemmas I often think about how my Heavenly Parents would teach me. I don’t ever imagine them scolding me, or being harsh. They give me freedom to make my own decisions appropriate to my stage of life. They hope I will make good ones. They allow me to find my own way, and are with me every step of the way through the highs and the lows, even if they don't agree, they never leave me. It does not mean they let me get away with doing the wrong thing, consequences always catch up with us eventually. They are gentle. And they always lead with love and compassion for each and every one of their children.

Kerry and I don’t always agree. We have different ways of parenting, different ways of dealing with things, and that is perfectly normal and ok. 

Schools Back - Term 2

I got back to work soon! next week is my last week off, then it's back at work. I'm not looking forward to going back, I don't want to leave Oakley but I know we'll both be ok and adapt just fine. I am a little concerned with not getting enough hours aka money each week to cover the expenses my pay covers, but somehow I seem to have a very quiet reassurance that no matter what happens, we'll be ok.

Kids are all back at school and Taylah started term 2 at a new school. We moved her from Mackillop to Bathurst High. It took us a long time to come to that decision, and I was super nervous about it, but it all seems to be going really well. She says everyone is nice, students and teachers, and she's excited to be doing photography and food tech. She is going to New Zealand in a couple of weeks with Mum and Nana. I'm so excited for her to see the country and meet a few of my aunts and uncles. 

Mathias had his first rugby game last Saturday which he really loved, it was also my first game watching, well, actually trying to watch and follow along. I always love watching Mathias, I'm not sure what it is but no matter what he is doing I love watching him. We gave him his mobile phone about 3 weeks ago, again, I was nervous to be having two teenagers now with mobile phones to keep tabs on, but he has really impressed me with how he has been with it. Him and Taylah are so very different, polar opposites! Both have their own strengths and weaknesses, but both as special and as loved as each other. 

Micah has been really really bratty lately, I think since returning to school. I guess he is going through a testing period where he's pushing and testing boundaries, especially which ones he can get away with. A few more tantrums these days, lots of screaming and threatening all his older siblings, even being a bit extra defiant with Kerry and I. I'm sure he'll settle down at some point, these stages can be challenging for both us as his parents and him, I know it's all just normal development happening. I just need to make sure he doesn't hurt himself in the process haha and of course, help guide him through it.

And I can't forget my quirky Carter! he's going through a heightened sensitive phase and he can get real cheeky, I must admit it tests my patience, I really have to draw on a higher source to give me a bit of extra patience with him, but I'm pretty sure I went through this with each of his older siblings, they all have their moments. He is such a sweetheart though, I look forward to watching him come into his own.

Then there's my little love Oakley. I honestly don't know what we did without him. He is so freaking yummy! it's no wonder I don't get much done during the school hours, I just want to soak him up as much as I can and savour every moment. He really could not be more perfect. I do wish I could have lots more babies and maybe in the next life, but I'm pretty sure he is my last one here, and I am just loving every bit of him.

Last weekend Kez and I went to a Six60 concert which was fun. way too many people for my liking, but it's not something we do much, ever. Good music though so I enjoyed it. Then Saturday night we went over to Cowra for dinner at the Sullivan's' for Jemima's 21st. Sunday I spend recovering haha Honestly our weekends are all crazy full on, they are exhausting and not likely to ease up for quite some years I'd say, but, I love it and I wouldn't change a thing.

I've been good. No major changes in my mood/feelings, I do feel an underlying anxiousness every now and then, but nothing too bad. I got my period too, not that I was overly worried about it not returning since having Oakley, but I had talked to my Doctor about it and he wanted to do a blood test to check my hormone levels and everything, but then I got it, so I didn't bother going to get the blood test.

Anyway, life is going on as usual. More bills and expenses than we can keep up with, but we always manage to find a way through. We are so very blessed, more than we know I imagine.