Here we go again...

 3 months ago I caught Taylah out and discovered she had been stealing money from her work, she doesn't know how much exactly but it's most likely in the hundreds. I was at a loss and conflicted as to what to do. What I eventually decided was to not turn her in and to give her a chance to stop and change her behaviour. 

Tonight I'm at even more of a loss as I have caught her out again. The first time she did it, Kerry would have taken her straight to her boss to confess, but he let me make the decision to not do that. I think I'm possibly taking away his right to parent Taylah in this case because I believe he is too hard on her and has a very poor connection with her and I wish that it was better. I try to stay out of their relationship, but I find it difficult to when I feel like what I'm seeing is a 15 year old daughter desperately longing for a closer connection with her dad - especially as day in and out she sees the easy connection he has with Mathias - and then the sometimes hostile arguments that they get into. It breaks my heart and Kerry know this, I think that is why he lets me take the lead on this one but still feels like he doesn't get a say.

I know she got off pretty much scott-free last time and was not held accountable. So maybe it's time. This scares me! and I'm scared for her too because I would be even more scared to tell my boss if I were her, but I tried one way and she still reverted.

My other concern is finding out the underlying cause for this behaviour. I feel like possibly talking with a psychologist may help her unpack what may be going on. Why is she stealing money when she has money? I over-look her finances and to a large degree can control it, am I not giving her enough choice and control? I'm trying to teach her to save money, and to not spend all the rest of her money on junk food or just food. Should I stop overlooking her finances and give her complete autonomy of her money? I have no idea what to do.

In other news, I have mild hypertension and have to do more tests to see if there is an underlying cause for the rise in my blood pressure. Just another health issue to add to my list. I was pretty down about this when I found out, but I'm feeling better now. pro-active even. I stopped drinking coke cold turkey! which is huge for me haha. I also stopped eating chocolate for 6 days at least then I have a bit, but I'm going to try keep it to a bare minimum.

anyway, I better go, Oakley is crying for a feed X 

Life goes on

For the longest time I thought to myself, life is going relatively smoothly, consistently, but something will always occasionally come around that really challenges us. By us I mean me, or Kerry and me. As much as I don't want my skin to take up too much of my mental space, it is the challenge I'm facing at the moment, plus it is literally the largest organ of my body, there's very little room for escape. I think the hardest thing is the itching, it legit feels like insanity. and when I'm tried and just want to curl up in a nice cosy bed and go to sleep, that is the time it attacks the most. So I scratch and scratch and scratch until I either fall asleep or the skin crawling feeling subsides. It's actually kind of heartbreaking when people say 'stop scratching!' and they just don't understand how badly I want to stop scratching. how badly I'd rather just fall off to sleep and not feel like there's a million tiny bugs crawling around under my skin. I have so many creams for my body to help, they take the edge off, but they'll never give 100% relieve from the symptom, it's too severe and I most people don't know, because they can't see anything wrong with me. I cover most of it, although I now have a lovely little spot right in between my eyes! 

It just sucks. It sucks balls big time. I want to remain positive, generally, but occasionally it hits me hard and I just cry, and cry and cry. 

I know I am so blessed. and I am so very grateful for the miracles my body has done, and how hard it continues to work to support me and my full on life. I know I so very blessed I am.

Everyone is pretty good. Kerry hates his job and is really hanging out to leave, but has to wait until Andrew is ready to take him on, but that will happen whenever it happens. Taylah has chosen her yr11-12 subjects. Mathias hates ballet and wants to quit, he's over rugby and wants to stop, I don't mind him quitting things once he's seen his commitment through and given it a good go but he's ready to walk out on both and I'm working on teaching him to honour these things he committed to and telling him repeatedly that he shouldn't quit things just because they get hard or he looses interest. I don't know, he's spoilt, and is always asking for more. He does not realise how blessed he is to be able to do as much as he does and I think he takes it for granted, but I think that is probably our own doing (as his parents) that's the tricky thing, figuring out how to teach all the important things.

Carter and Micah are good. They are so flipping cute, especially together. Oakley is not wasting anytime growing up either. He's 7 months now, 2 teeth, sitting up on his own, not crawling yet. in the process of learning to sleep in his own cot. hates it when I'm not around. still primarily breastfed, he has a bottle of formula once a day when I go to work. still wakes up a few times through the night. 

I work usually 5 nights a week. great for paying the bills. sucks being away from home in the evenings. We just did our tax return for this year which we're using to go over to Perth for Christmas with Kerry's brother. It pretty much pays for just our flights so I have to figure out the rest. Kerry is so excited, and Paul. I'm sure it will all work out and the kids will have a great time.