You know better than I

My due date passed and I didn't even remember. I'm not sure if that's a good thing or bad. Every other year I remember. The day before I prepare myself and I say to Kerry "You know what tomorrow is right?" and always to my surprise, he remembers.

My baby I lost is always in my heart. It is etched into my very being, shaping apart of who I am, how I think and how I feel. I love that I have a reminder of you. It's not to remember the heartache that came with loosing you, but the lessons I learnt from having you.

A lesson I will never forget that came in the simple words of a song:

"You know better than I

You know the way

I've let go the need to know why

For you know better than I"

I may never know the reason you came into my life and left it so suddenly, but like Nephi says 

"And I said unto him: I know that he loveth his children;

nevertheless, I do not know the meaning of all things"

1Nephi 11:17 five scriptures

I know that my Heavenly Father loves me, and I do not know the meaning of everything that happens in my life, but He knows better than I. And it was through you, that I learnt this lesson.

I still don't know if I will ever have you or see you again, but I will always be grateful for the lesson you helped me learn.

{this month would have been you're third birthday}

Making the switch to cloth

Up until now I have always used disposable nappies, I never had any incling to do it any other way. Until recently I discovered Modern cloth Nappies {MCN} and as I have been reading more and more about them verse disposables, the more and more I like the idea of them.

The number one reason being the cost. We spend something crazy ridiculous like $3,000 to $5,000 on disposable nappies and wipes per child. I have three kids so that adds up to roughly $9,000 to a whopping possible $15,000 so far! That's the cost of a small car, that we literally throw into the bin.

Comparing that to the cost of MCN which is an initial out lay meaning you'll need to pay in up front, I've roughly worked out you would need about 50 MCN to last one week and their prices range from about $15 to $35 each making the upfront cost around $750 to $1750 not including wipes. Which you would then used for subsequent children.

MCN have really come along way since I was a baby. When someone says cloth nappies, I immediately think of jerry towel cloths and horrid safety pins. Big stinky buckets of bleach, and a lot of washing!

Not these babies! 

So, a few weeks ago I purchased one online, just to see what it was like and to try it out. The one I brought was from a brand called Bambooty, and was from their night time range. Being designed to last all night it has four absorbers attached inside. Once I got it, I followed the instructions and soaked it over night, then put it in the washing machine by its self with no washing powder/liquid, them put it in the sun to dry. This is meant to help increase the absorbency. 

So far I only have two MCN which I have been using for night time on Carter. When I take it off in the morning I like to rinse it then place in straight in the washing machine with half the usual amount of washing powder, then let it dry in the sun throughout the day.

I am really liking it. Firstly because it reduces the amount of disposable nappies I am using/paying for! It also feels great to know I am opting for an environmentally friendly alternative. It really is not as bad as some may think having to clean off pooie nappies, and it makes sense to flush it down the toilet right!? 

I intend on having a few more kids, and although I'm now realising the money I've already wasted on disposable nappies, I'm excited to turn to a better option for my pocket and the environment. 

 

Up, up and Away

Carter Mason Cole is finally up and walking. Last Thursday to be exact {6th June 2013} just shy of being 16 months. I was sitting on the couch talking on the phone to a friend while the two boys played in front of me, when I see Carter take a few steps! It was magical and so exciting. 

Kerry was away for work all week, so I felt sad that he wasn't here to see it. But I did get to record some of it. I wasn't entirely sure if he would so it again, but thankfully he did, and I was able to share the video with Kerry.

It never ceases to amaze me how unique each of my kids are. Such unique individuals so different from each other. Taylah-Benet is my drama queen, Mathias is energetic and hilarious, and Carter is so cute and stubborn! 

He is also waving! Which is the cutest wave EVER, is Super kissy! Which I absolutely love, and eating so much more now! 

He is growing up and changing so fast, I am starting to see glimpses of a little boy and not a baby anymore. 

Teaching the hard lessons

This is one of my favorite images I've come across floating through the Internet. It's almost like an affirmation. I think no matter the challenges and lessons you endured prior to becoming a parent, nothing can prepare you for it. I've heard it said that you either married your greatest challenge, or gave birth to it and I certainly gave birth to mine. Being a Mum is hard work. It is demanding, not just physically but more so mentally and emotionally.

Tonight was my toughest to date. and it wasn't even what they did, it was what I had to do. All while listing to my daughter beg and plead for me to not take away her special things, questioning and doubting if I was doing the right thing, and if it was the right thing to do then why was I finding it so hard but necessary to do?

What I concluded was that, it is hard and painful to see her suffer. But very necessary, for me to teach this lesson. All the while thinking this must be how our Heavenly Father feels. I Love my kids more than I could ever express, with every fiber of my being with every grain of my soul. It is my most vital mission that my children know how much I love them.

And I just pray that as I continue to teach them these hard lessons, that I will have the courage and strength to do what is necessary and that they will never doubt that I and their Heavenly Father love them.