The Dummy Spit

There is a point that every baby reaches where they relinquish the comfort they once found in sucking on their dummy {if they ever took the dummy in the first place, all three of mine did}

Taylah-benet took to her dummy, but when she was 8months old she got thrush round her mouth and never took a dummy after.

Mathias took it all the way up to his second birthday, he had no trouble letting it go though.

Carter {my baby I want to keep forever!} is there!! In the last couple of days we've discovered, at his 13months of age, he doesn't want his dummy anymore.

He has been a little tougher to get to bed at night, until I realised he wasn't teething, he wasn't sick, he was just being a little naughty and we played right into him. I would scoop him up out of his cot if he was crying and try settle him by walking around or putting his favourite movie on, Curious George. Then when I noticed he would stop as soon as George came on, I knew there was nothing wrong!

So now, I put him down and quickly make my exit closing the door behind me. He cries, and cries. Then stops. Then cries again. For about 5-10 minutes, then he's asleep!

Mental Illness Sucks

I'm not mentally ill. I can get 'situational depression'. My eldest sibling was diagnosed with depression, and I'm pretty sure that the rest of my siblings have experienced some form of depression at one point or another.

I don't get it as often as I used to and I contribute that to two things. My husband, he's my hero. He saves me when I feel myself slipping, and he picks me up, holds me and reminds me that I'm not alone. The second is my own awareness, I can feel when it's starting and I have become better at stopping it and not letting it go any further.

It is pitch black. and you can run as fast and as hard as you want but it never ends, there is never an end in sight, just pitch black and dead ends. you are all alone with the voices in your head telling you, you are alone, no one is here for you. It hurts. the pain is overwhelming and there is no escaping it. there is no way out of the darkness and all you want is for the pain to stop.

When you suffer from it, it is not a choice. It's a plague that cloaks right mind.

Today, mental illness is effecting more and more people and it can be difficult for others to know how we can help someone who suffers from a mental illness.

The best thing anyone can do is be there. whether you are there in person, or over the phone, we need a support system. without it, there is no one to turn to and it gets worse and worse. Someone living with a mental illness is just like a person living with cancer. their hair may not fall out, but their mind is on a roller coaster of it's own and they don't have control over it.

But, with the right help, with a strong support system they can learn to manage the roller coaster, and live with it. It will never go away. It will be there for the rest of their life. But we, you and I, can help make the ride a little smoother.

For more information on mental illness please check out BEYONDBLUE

My Baby Forever

I feel a little guilty about Carter. I don't want him to grow up! I want to keep him as my baby forever. He is so gorgeous in so many ways, it makes me a little sad each time he reveals some milestone or does something new. 

He is 13 months now. He's not walking yet, but I don't mind that at all. He has started clapping! it is the cutest thing ever. He walks around the furniture more and more now. He is stubborn! he doesn't like to be restricted in anyway, or be made to go to sleep if he's not ready. He loves his dummy. He has the most beautiful blue eyes that complement his tanned skin and his curls! Being close to me or Kerry will often calm and settle him. 

He gives the bestest open mouth kisses where he actually just ends up covering my face in dribble. No one can make him laugh the way his big brother does. He prefers the comfort of the known. Is not fond of strangers, maybe just from a distance. Loves his mummy and daddy. He is drawn to the bathroom, if anyone is in there, he's there too. He loves baths. He starts to whinge loudly if he wants something. 

I know it is inevitable. And I do look forward to seeing him grow and become a little boy and a man. but right now, I love him the most as my baby.

Kapa Haka

I have Maori blood in me. It's not half, I'm not sure it's even a quarter, but, it's there. It came from my fathers side. I don't get along with him at all, so allot of things that I relate to him I have negative feelings about which includes my Maori blood. {I knew it was total karma that I married a man who LOVES his country and Maori side}

Anyway! blast from the past, which is always embarrassing, here's a video from 1997 of 12 year old me in a Kapa Haka group. {0.23 sec is me stepping to front center and to my right is my little sis!} It's pretty long so good luck if you make it to the end!

I'm nearly there

I'm nearly at my goal weight and I'm pretty excited about it. Dreaming of having a flat tummy again, the tummy that I haven't seen since before I started having kids.

I had thought that I wouldn't do anything until I was finished having all my kids, but, when Carter was 6 months I jumped on some scales and was slightly devastated by the number staring back at me! I knew I couldn't put off trying to live a healthy lifestyle anymore. That was seven months ago.

Since then I have lost 11 kilos with only 4 more to go to be at my pre baby, baby, baby weight! BUT what I really want to do is tone my tummy that now resembles a bowl of jelly {not really, I just call it jelly!} since it has been stretched to its limits three times!

Strangely I don't feel like I did much to loose those kilos, and my husband agrees. Which got me thinking how the heck do I get away with it!? Since my days as a young adult to even now, I have pretty bad eating habits. I'd rarely eat breakfast, lunch would consist of fizzy and chocolate, snack all day on junk food, and dinner would be about the only meal that doesn't have sugar in it.

I haven't regularly exercised since high school {still can't believe that was 10 years ago!} So how am I getting away with it!?

I don't know the answer, so I'll just be grateful!

A miserable weekend

Have you ever had that thought "huh, I haven't been sick in aaaaaaaages" then BAM you get sick?

I did. and it was miserable.

Saturday morning I drove myself to the doctors only for him to seem all too happy to diagnose me with having tonsillitis. With symptoms including temperatures, sore throat, ache body, nausea, head aches, and I won't gross you out with the rest. The next 72 hours consisted of nothing more than sleep and rest thanks to my wonderful husband and Mum. I mostly lived off water for the three days.

So on Tuesday when I was a little excited to be feeling better {because it really was horrible!} Kerry, Taylah-benet and Carter all had temperatures at one point or another and sore throats!  

It hasn't been too bad really. I'm still on my medication and feeling better each day. I have been taking things pretty easy with the kids at home, keeping things simple and easy. 

I took all three to the doctors this morning, what a trip! it's always an event when I take the three kids anywhere on my own. Mathias, the only one that is not sick yet, has been super energetic, active and naughty. Some times I can laugh to myself and think "this is ridiculous I can't believe what he's doing, and in public!" actually most of the time I have to, because the more I reprimand him, the louder and sillier he gets. So our visit to the doctors was no different.

Mathias is bouncing off his seat roaming the doctors office for something to touch and play with, Taylah-benet sees him and wants to join in, she'll listen to me most of the time, but then she'll start to whine to me because she wants something. Carter's whinging this entire time and getting louder and louder until he starts  into full blown crying because he doesn't want to sit in his stroller anymore. And this poor nurse is trying to get information out of me about whether Mathias eats his vegetables or not!?

After the hour long visit at the doctors, Taylah-benet and Carter are on antibiotics and Mathias got his 4y immunisations. 

Mathias was pretty naughty the whole visit, but, I can't get over how funny he his. He sat on my knee giving me a hug saying 'Mum, I love you' ...'I love you the even, even, even, even most' then 'ouch' he took a look at where the nurse had just given him a needle and we all laughed so he laughed, then the second needle 'ouch' then we all laughed. That was it. He wasn't scared or nervous. He just laughed. Then he had to get his thumb cleaned and dressed and he sat with the biggest cheesest smile and kept giving me the thumbs up with his other hand. He loves the attention! 

Just Breath

Mathias is still having trouble breathing while he sleeps and it scares the holy mackerel out of me. So much so that I can't sleep next to him, listening to him struggle to breath I'm super paranoid that he'll stop breathing one night and not start again. He's booked in to see an ear, nose and throat specialist but the earliest appointment is not until the end of May! I am really really hoping they will recommend him to have his tonsils out so we can all sleep a little easier at night!

The last three weeks when I have taken him to preschool, he has started to become really anxious and upset when I leave. He only goes the one day a week, and the first two times he was fantastic. It breaks my heart leaving him like that, a teacher has to hold him while he fights and cries and I have to walk away but I know that it doesn't last long, after 5 minutes or less he stops and enjoys the rest of his day at preschool and is happy when I pick him up.

He has always been a little more of a 'home boy' in that he's not too fond of sleep overs without Kerry or I. Now he's a little older and a little more aware, he likes the idea of sleeping over, but come bed time and he's asking to come home to his own bed, to mummy and daddy.

It seems almost overnight he has lost his baby fat and toddler-ness and turned into this tall and good looking little boy! a real little boy, not a toddler anymore and I won't even start on Carter...yet.

Someone to hold your hand...or push you?

Taylah-benet is doing good at her new school. She misses her old teacher and friends and often and asks me at least once a week if she can go back to her old school. It makes me feel bad, but I just know it was the right thing to do and she will be OK.

Her Kindergarten teacher was so sweet and kind I could not have asked for a better teacher to transition us into school life. Her teacher this year is a little more of a 'Pusher' {not in the 'Mean girls' movie kind of way} she picked up on Taylah-benets lack of speed  and concentration within the first weeks of school. Taylah-benet is not dumb, she's actually pretty cleaver, it's just that she's slow to do anything. She takes her sweet time! which at school usually results in her not completing her work in class.

At first I was slightly mildly offended by the teachers notion of wanting to 'change' my daughter. I love my little girl just the way she is, slow and all. But... like most things, after more though, and concern, and conversations with the husband, it was clear we have to do something more to help her, or it could result in her being behind as her workload increases throughout her school life.

So, I am putting in my best efforts at home to help her speed up her work pace, and the teacher has as well. If she is not completing her work in class, she is given extra homework.

And the great news, she is trying really hard in class and at home to concentrate on her work. Year 1 homework is allot more than she had in kindergarten, but it is good. It's broken up into sections and instructions on what to do on what days so it works really nicely.