Last week was rough, but it's those weeks that truly show me how blessed I really am. I have so many beautiful people in my life that I am so grateful for. I'm grateful for everything I learn. So often these days I drown in my own head, sometime I wish there were an 'off switch', but I know there is a reason I am the way that I am, and there is an even better reason I am paired with the partner that I have. We are the right amount of similar and the right amount of different to balance and ground each other.
I met up with John and Nancy for coffee this morning which was really nice, they are some of my absolute favourite people, and I look up to John as a father figure, I am so grateful to know that he cares for me too.
I started making sourdough bread a couple of weeks ago and I absolutely love it! It is a really lengthy, slow and involved process, but I find myself incredibly drawn to 'slow' living, and the process of making one sourdough loaf is just that and the result is nothing you can buy or get quick and conveniently, it's priceless. The joy and beauty of a fresh baked loaf of sourdough that has so much time and effort put into it, that is what I love. And seeing my family enjoy that, and being able to share that, is just, beautiful.
Kerry's mum had a big scare yesterday which really hit Kerry. About a month or so ago they discovered she has a cancerous tumour that is pressing against her hip joint and causing hip erosion and a significant about of pain. She also has a problem with blood clots in her leg or legs, so she is on blood thinners for that, and started chemo therapy last week for the cancer as it is inoperable because of how many nerves are surrounding it. But yesterday morning they called the whole family because the Doctors found that she has an internal bleed which is more complicated because of her problem with blood clots and being on blood thinners. So the Doctors told them they need to prepare themselves to loose her, so they did a family phone call and Jane was saying her 'goodbyes'
From my perspective, Jane has always been so distant. But she is his Mum, so I really feel for him. I know loosing my Mum will be so incredibly hard for me because of how much I love her, so it must be like that for him. My Nana Parahi passed away a couple months ago and I honestly didn't have much thoughts or feelings about it. I don't feel bad about that, to me it's just a representation of how little she was part of my life. Nana, on the other hand, is getting worse each week and the thought of loosing her now is bitter sweet. It's only sad because of the role that she has always played in my life, she's always been part of it. I will miss he being part of my life, she is so very special to me. However, the sweetness is in the knowledge that she will no longer suffer with pain and that she will finally be reunited with her Love, my Grandad.
My Nana is more than I could ever put into words, as is my Mother. I am so freaking proud to come from two such incredible, strong, vulnerable, beautiful. amazing woman. I think people are lucky if they get one in their lifetime, but TWO! I am their legacy. and I am so proud of that, I hope they are too.
Life is such a complex but beautiful thing. and I am lucky and blessed, whatever you want to call it. I know I'm a beautiful person too. It's just that more often than not, I don't really feel like I am. But, in those most crucial of times, I know that I really am, it's just that I am also my own worst critic.
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