Kerrys Mum passed away last week (Wednesday 25th September 2024) Linda sent a message to the family group chat at 4am Thursday our time saying that Jane has been slowly declining. She cries out help me and sobs in pain... the Doctors said her heart could stop since it's a lot for the heart to handle.
Then around 12pm Thursday our time, Lance messaged the group that she had passed. I called Kerry straight away at work and when he answered, I could tell he hadn't seen the message, so I told him and stayed on the phone with him for a bit as he cried. He came home, and when he got here he was on a video call to the girls in the hospital room with Jane still laying on the bed. It was a little confronting for him to see her like that, but nice that he had that opportunity to be there for a short while even if it could only be through video call.
The next 48hrs that followed were a complete whirlwind! I was already in a down mood day before that and I had my routine appointment with my Doctor that afternoon. That went good, I am able to explain to him where I'm at and how I'm struggling, so he has increased my medication to hopefully help me with the down days I still experience and be a bit more stable.
We told each of the four older kids, which was emotional, but just tried to be open and honest and let them know that if they have any questions or want to talk about anything they are thinking of feeling, that we are hear for them.
Then I started to take steps to try send Kerry over to Arizona, because although Jane is gone now, I felt very strongly that he should go and be with his siblings because although they will each experience their own individual grieving process, they are all together in that, and that's a pretty special and comforting thing to share with your siblings I think and he wanted the same.
I checked with his work if he could have the next week off. Checked is Caroline could have the three little boys for the week so I could still work while Kerry was away, then had to figure out where to borrow money from. It's roughly $3000 for a flight to Arizona. It took most of the day, I asked Camilla first, but she was taking a while to respond and I felt that maybe she just didn't know how to tell me that they aren't in a position to lend us that much money, and that's completely ok. So I asked Mum if I should ask Sariah, and Mum just went and asked her and she sent it straight away.
OH shortly before she sent the money, I was to feeling so shattered and empty I was just trying to function doing one thing at a time, so I was cooking dinner, knew it would be a late dinner, but I just had to do one thing, then the next. so 8pm and dinner is pretty much just ready and we hear this loud crash... We all look at each other like, what in the heck was that!? Taylah and Lily had taken my car to go and get McDonalds, she had called and said the car wouldn't start so Kerry had to go jump start it and said to her don't come straight inside when you get home, park in the driveway and let the car run for a bit before you come inside. She did that, but then drove the car into park it in the garage, and crashed it into the garage wall that backs on to mine and Kerrys bedroom. Carter, Micah and Oakley were all in our bedroom, sitting with their backs against the bedhead watching a movie. No was got hurt thankfully. Kerry was furious, and went straight into the garage yelling, Taylah then started yelling back, saying his reaction wasn't helping, I was just in absolute disbelief I was just like 'you to need to seperate RIGHT NOW'
Thankfully Kerry just turned right around and walked out of the garage. I backed the car out of the wall and then just sat there taking some deep breaths before I said to Taylah 'Explain to me how this happened?'
She then proceeded to tell me that Lily had her phone and she was trying to get it off her, went to put her foot on the break but hit the accelerator by accident instead. I just said to her look, I understand it was an accident, I understand you didn't do it on purpose, but you were reckless, and you can't afford to be reckless when you're behind the wheel of a vehicle. And Dad has every right to react however he reacts, you just need to not say anything back and don't make this into something between the two of you. just don't say a word.
Kerry was so angry, he spent the next two hours and got straight into cutting the wall out which helped him physically vent some of it out. So by the time he was done, his mood was pretty much back to normal.
Anyhow, once the money came through I called Sariah and thanked her, I am so flipping lucky to have the family that I have! honestly.
Next step was getting Kerry's Visa Waiver - to travel to USA for a holiday, you have to pay to get a piece of paper that say's you don't need a visa! So I waited for that to come through as approved, which took few hours. Then Friday morning searched for a flight. Worked Friday night.
Saturday morning drove the three boys over to Cowra, stayed for Gabs birthday party, then cam home. Kerry packed and we left about 4.30 to drive to the airport. Zoe insisted that we take her car, because his work asked him to bring his ute in so we couldn't use that and we use his work ute because we don't pay for the petrol for it. So we took Zoe car and it was just the two of us. I still felt kind of emotionless or just task orientated, to get everyone where they needed to be, then get back home. I kind of knew that it might hit once everyone was where they needed to be and I was home, and I was right. I dropped Kerry off and drove straight back home, I got home about 10.30pm and I was absolutely shattered and exhausted, physically, mentally and emotionally. so I had a little cry and went to bed, Mathias gave me a big hug and ended up sleeping with me in my bed which was kind of nice. he had two friends sleeping over and they were being eggs to him so he didn't want to sleep in his room with them.
Sunday was really chill. It was just what I needed. It felt really bizarre without the three little boys, but super calm.
I've been video calling and checking in with Kerry a lot. The family service was yesterday and the funeral service is in about an hour and a half, 3am Thursday 3rd October Sydney time. It 10am Wednesday 2nd October over in Arizona.
I've worked Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday night, so when I got home from work a few hours ago I was going to try get a couple hours sleep, but decided to jump on here and journal. I'm hoping to pick up a shift for tonight (Thursday night) so that will be 4 shifts - now that we've got more debt again, I will aim to do 4 shifts a week until we can get the debt back down again. But I am certain that we will. Christmas time might be a little tough now because Kerrys work closes for 3 weeks and he won't have the annual leave now to cover us, but I'm sure we'll figure it out.
I am so happy that he is over there, I have no doubt that that is exactly where he needs to be, and it is worth the debt and extra work to figure the other things out. This time with his family is priceless and he'll have the memories forever.
